The royal fap, that most elusive of wanks that can only be had when working with top-notch material, is known to the brits as "waxing one's carrot". If you are a proud owner of a hard, healthy carrot and are interested in producing some milky puree, these British Onlyfans Girls are your best bet. 

The ingredients required for the first batch are: an internet connection (check your local library for options) and a working pair of eyes to oogle this blonde's perfect ass.

For round two, some wet wipes, a raincoat and two perfect, round breasts decorated with just a blush a pink nipple.

If you've made it this far, you might as well sign up for some animal based treats - catch of the day: leopard.

And we'll leave you to check out the final two rounds for yourself. No spoilers here.